quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just gargled with NyQuil
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