Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
