I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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