You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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