so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
