I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
