come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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