Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
