I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
