Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
