i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
