quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
