Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
