he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
