If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
