I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
