i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
