I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
