you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
