JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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