my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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