He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
