dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
