i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
