whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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