Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
