She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How's work?
Spinning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
