Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
