you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
