last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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