Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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