I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
