My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We have started to decorate penises.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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