he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
