Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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