Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
