"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
