I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
BRING THE BAGELS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
