I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
