A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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