Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
