i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
