Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
