youre lurking in front of me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
