I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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