I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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