Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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