just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
