what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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