I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
