How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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