so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
