Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
they need to just BURY HIM!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
