I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
