Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Welp...herpes.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
